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Batman and Robin
Batman and Robin is a masterpiece expertly crafted by excellent storyteller Joel Schumacher. It stars Batman as The Batman and Robin as his "Wondeful Boy", as he was called on set. The story is set in Gotham City, a land of fluorescent lights where everyone's clothes have nipples apparent on the exterior (men only). Villains like Captain Cold and the Plant Louse scheme to take innocent professional wrestler/luchadors who are bright and clever and brilliant, and instead reduce them to blubbbering man-ape things, because they are racist. We see this third villain two times, and is never mentioned again. Meanwhile, Batman investigates a crime at a circus. It is interesting that he does this considering his own past against clowns, and that his own parents were killed by a clown. But when he hears that a young boy is also an orphan because someone killed his acrobat parents, he must detective his way into their hearts. The boy's name is Robin, and his friends call him Dick. Batman, whose real name is Bruce, gets into some trouble at the Circus, but luckily, the expert gymnast and very flexible Robin catches him with his abnormally strong thighs. He saved Batman's life who then says "I owe you my life" Robin replies, "How about just a place to live. I'm an orphan now." This is convenient for Bruce, who also has no parents in his palacial Hollywood mansion. Niether of them have either parent alive to tell them when to go to bed, what vegetables to eat, to get out of the sauna, just what are you doing in the bathroom that takes so long anyway, or judge them at all! Batman doesn't ever have to worry about what his parents will think, because his parents are dead. Only Alfred knows for sure, and he's not telling. The pair quickly become a "duo" when they realize how much they have in common! They enjoy all the same activities such as strenuous exercise, exotic forms of wrestling, wearing tights, swinging, and bat-cuffs. They slide down long fireman-style poles into the Bat Cave where they have access to any equipment, gadgetry, or "Bat-toys" they need for their excursions. They are not like others in their flamboyant lifestyle of crime-fighting, as they are serious loners who have somehow found someone special they can work and live with, and trust their secrets to. Bruce has always been confused, being more dark and brooding than the youthful Dick. Sometimes it feels like the playboy millionaire is the mask, and not the other way around. Bruce knows that he likes girls, but has always found his thoughts wandering when he is with them. Sometimes, he finds his mind lingering on the supple muscular curves of Superman, whose secret identity he also knows. Superman is just a friend, of course, in fact the "World's Finest" friend. Not that this has stopped Batman before, from experimenting with allies like Catwoman and even Wonder Woman, whom was also awkwardly involved with his friend Supes. The adventures that they all shared were out of this world, to be sure, and an entire league was formed to further explore their vigilante needs. But with Robin it is different. Things are more clear, and he is able to focus on the task at hand. Catching the Freeze Man who makes puns using his Bat-skates, and catching up to Fern Gally and making her pay with his Bat crebit card. Robin is excited, idealistic, and ready for action. He is ready for anything. But Batman is still holding back. It isn't that he doesn't feel he's found the perfect partner (in crime-fighting!) with Dick. It isn't that he worries what Alfred would say, as he has washed all manner of stains out his tights and cape after every manner of battle with every manner of weirdly themed campy supervillain. Besides, Alfred is the Butler, so he basically belongs to Bruce and is only allowed to think what Bruce tells him to anyway. It isn't even what his Super Duper Friends will think; they're all pretty open minded since they hired on that Martian shapeshifting guy who reads minds and is named Martian Manhunter even though he is Martian and doesn't hunt other Martians (he might hunt for men). No, it has more to do with how society will react. Already living on the fringe, the Police Comissioner, the Press, and the Public have just finally begun to accept the Batman as the effective, bad ass, dark Knight this city needs. Solitary in his duties and as mysterious as the night. But what will they think when his idiom so changes to include a brightly-color-clad young ward, the Squire to his Knight, who is also battling maniacal madmen like the Joker? How can the common populace justify his relationship with this newcomer, now also in constant harm's way? Just then, the villainous villains who had vexed our caped crusader take advantage of his sudden worries about public approval ratings. Only young Dick is there to comfort and reassure him, helping to surge his confidence. But Batman is still unsure, and unable to fully express himself having not grown up with any parental role models. Batman goes off to fight the bad guys alone, and leaves Robin all alone at home and crying. Of course, within moments Batman is captured, and it is only his thoughts of Robin that save him. He must escape to save his partner, and the city of course, from the diabolical madmen who have bound him here against his will. Remembering himself, he strategizes a brilliant escape, and easily cools off the Cooler, delouses the Vegan, and reminds the brainwashed, steroided Mexican Wrestler that he is a sensitive soul who once loved a woman so strongly that he would destroy the world for her. They hug and a single tear rolls down each of their cheeks. Batman, reminded of his strength and resolve, rushes off to find Robin. Batman doesn't find Dick right away, but is assured by Alfred that he is safe, and that Batman's plan to save the city has succeeded. Thus, Bruce decides to take a hot shower and wash away the filth of a hard day's work. Just then, Dick gets the drop on Bruce, and ambushes him in the shower. To keep him on his feet, he has surprised him with a sudden training session, which Dick insists he direly needs to engage in at that very second. Bruce doesn't require much convincing, happy to see his chum after such a dangerous caper. Before long, the duo are speeding off to fight in another exciting episode of crime-fighting might! No one can stop them! Not the leather-clad cat-suited Dominatrix who wants to wrap both of them up in a whip, not the Questioner; an obsessive compulsive who is constantly Questioning, and not Bi-Face, the double-minded gangster and former attorney who is of two minds about everything. Not even that sick little degenerate who eats raw fish, lives in a sewer and kidnaps babies. They straight up killed that freak. And most of all, not Gotham City. For though there was a period where Batman felt the need to go on the lam and prove himself through his deeds as deserving of the people, now they are more accepted and hotter than ever. Batman and Robin are big business, with toys and action figures and lunch boxes and dildoes and underwear and cologne. They go up in big, neon city lights! And those are the only kind of lights in Joel Schumacher's Gotham! The series continues for seven episodes basically outlined exactly the same as the first, where a battle between the duo and an increasing number of villains is mere subtext for the larger emotional development and mature exploration of relationship themes present in the works. #Batman and Robin #Batman Fever #Batman Alone #Batman Returns #Batman From the Bottom #Dark Nights #Batman Rises Eventually, Alfred even gets in on the action, and so does a girl named Batgirl because the voters demanded it and the executives brought it to ya! But don't worry, Bruce and Dick are down. Bruce and Dick, as their comic book tagline says, are down for pretty much anything. Category:Comics Issues Category:Battles Category:Outsourced Awesomes Category:Events